Maryland Divorce: Telling Your Children
Deciding to get a divorce is usually one of the biggest, and most difficult, decisions youll have to make in your life. Before you got to this point, you probably weighed out the pros and cons, decided how you were going to tell your spouse and prepared yourself for the worse.
When its time to tell your children of your decision, youll need to prepare yourself in the same way: determine the advantages and disadvantages of telling them, plan out what you will say and prepare yourself for their reactions.
Since this is one of the most difficult pieces of news they will hear in their lifetime, its important to take your time and tell them in the best way possible.
Stay Respectful
You may be mad at your ex right now. You might be furious. In fact, you could downright hate him or her, but you must remember that he or she is still a parent of your children. You will need to be respectful of your ex during this difficult time.
Getting an attitude with your spouse or speaking negatively about him or her while you are telling your children of your life-changing decision will only make things worse. You are a grown up, and cant resort to childish behavior right now.
You and your ex need to be a united, supportive front for your kids right now. Remember, you had a choice in this decision, they dont. Youll need to be strong for them and that includes being friendly with your ex.
Speak With a Therapist
Divorce is often the worst thing a child will ever go through. Seeing your parents not be together anymore is heartbreaking, and recovering from that could take a long time. However, every child reacts differently and understanding these reactions may help you get your child through this.
Consulting with a child therapist before you tell your children about your decision is an excellent idea. The therapist can offer advice on how to give your children the news, and may also be able to tell you what to expect.
You and your spouse should go together, so that you can both hear the information, and discuss your concerns with the therapist. You will also be able to ask any questions you have about breaking the news.
Write a Script
Being unprepared is one of the worst things you can do when telling your children about your decision. Not having a game plan will likely end in disaster. For this reason, you should write a script.
Having what you are going to say right in front of you will give you more confidence and help you feel more comfortable about what is going to transpire. You will probably already be nervous, so you dont need any extra obstacles to prevent you from having a successful talk.
Showing strength and confidence in what you are saying will be reassuring to your kids. If you stumble and are unsure of what you are saying, they will also feel that way about what they are hearing. Projecting strength and confidence, however, makes them feel better about the news.
Sit down with your spouse and decide together what you are going to say. You can even assign roles, so that one parent isnt doing all of the talking.
Timing is Everything
Hearing the news that your parents are getting divorced is a big deal. The emotional affects of this decision can plague your children for quite some time, which is why youll need to plan out the timing.
Avoid delivering this news during holidays, before big events at school, when other relatives are around or the like. You dont want them to associate Christmas or Hanukkah with their parents splitting up. Instead, tell them when not much is going on and they will have time to recover. For example, telling your kids right before final exams could have a debilitating effect on their scores, which could impact them in the future.
Comfort Them
Every child reacts differently to this kind of news. Some may cry, some may be angry and some may even act like its not a big deal. However your children handle the decision, youll need to be there for them.
Let your children know your decision is not their fault. Also let them know that you are there for them no matter what. Answer any questions they have, taking their ages and feelings into consideration. For instance, you dont need to go into detail about exactly why you are divorcing; rather, you could simply say you are your best selves when you are living in different homes.
If possible, both spouses should stay in the home that day and night just to show the kids that you will always be there for them, and to prevent them from having to go through so much change in one day.
If you need help with your divorce in Maryland, contact the attorneys of Jimeno and Gray. Request your free copy of the book What Your Spouse Doesnt Want You to Know: The Ultimate Guide to Divorce in Maryland, written by attorney Frank Gray, when you call.
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