How to get over a divorce
How to get over a divorce
More than a third of marraiges ends in divorce. Even if you think you are in a fantastic and very happy marriage you have no guarantee that your marriage will not end in divorce too. It takes two people to make a marriage and only one to break it. Here is my advice on how to get over a divorce
1. If the divorce was your idea, or mostly your idea, then instead of dwelling on the past and what ifs, remind yourself that you made a wise and brave decision and must look to the future. Give yourself goals and things to look forward to so that instead of it seeming like a failure it seems like the start of something far better.
2. If the divorce was your spouses idea then it will hurt more but is this because of pride? Is it because you find it hard to face people when they ask you about it? Is it because you do not want to live on your own or will find it harder to cope with finances and responsibilities if they are not around? How much of not wanting the divorce is because of being compatible and loving your partner? The truth is that if you were truly compatible and in love it would not have gone wrong. Your partner was the first to see it and do something about it but if it had been left you would have eventually done the same. In a way they have done you a favour to speed it up.
3. Tell yourself it is totally finished. There is no turning back. Do not hope that it somehow works out and live in a limbo land nightmare where it is neither one thing or the other and you feel as if you are sort of still with them or hoping to get back with them.
4. Remind yourself of all of your partners major faults. Everyone has them. Maybe they had a cackly laugh or left their clothes laying around in the bathroom, whatever it is you are now getting rid of this and other annoyances.
5. Tell yourself that you are now single, a person in your own right. No longer just someone elses partner, you no longer have to compromise or ask for permission to do things.
6. As a single person you can now get interested in someone else. You can meet whoever you want whenever you want, without having to lie or sneak around or lead a double life or feel guilty. Get a make over and spruce yourself up with a new outfit and start to get back into a good social life. Catch up with friends you have not seen for ages, maybe join a reputable dating agency. Promise yourself that a year from now your life will be much better.
7. Now that you are single you can decide if you really are cut out to be married or if another lifestyle suits you better.
For a lot more free advice about how to get over a divorce from a top agony aunt go to problem pages
Worked as a full-time, self employed, professional writer, clairvoyant, therapist, life coach and relationship expert for many years, with famous clients, newspaper articles and offers of radio and television work.
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